What is a “Hard Cash”?

Every season or so a “movie” comes along that is so bad that it will literally burn a whole on your retina and leave you scared for life. These more-awefull-than-normal “movies” are lumped under one mega lousy “movie’s” shadow. That “movie” is Hard Cash.

Hard Cash Poster

Now, pretty much everyone here at L”M”N have heard me udder the words “this is the worst “movie” I have EVER seen.” This usually happens on a weekly basis. But, when I do, I am instantly reminded (with a stinging sensation in my eyes and in my heart) of that first “worst “movie” i’ve ever seen.” I am reminded of the multiple death by dialogue scenes, how we lost doug (one of our very own L”M”N audience members) to sheer boredom coupled with the shock of scuba diving midgets in toilet bowels, and the complete fear I felt when I heard and saw two main characters being welded together. I can’t help but think of the pure disappointment cast upon us all when the main character “Jose” goes walking lonely and broke in the streets while somewhat minor characters whiz by in their green-screened cars and pickle more minor characters hands in jars instead of buying one rotten orange from a poor immigrant. I think, what could be worse than watching this entire movie and the writers spit on you by encouraging the audience to through all of your earnings (except for the weight of a wet perverse dwarf in cash) into the river just so you can spend the rest of your life with some skanky teenage girlfriend with two cigarettes in her mouth and some little girl who thinks your her father; then, i just look up and see Dane Cook humping a couch only to be stopped by two monks swimming in pudding.

Hard Cash is one the best “worst-“movies”” we’ve watched to date. That is officially why we hand out a “Hard Cash” every season to that one “movie” that says “it’s ok be lousy.”

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