Somewhere, in the grimy recesses of a Hollywood sound stage, there exists a department (if a few script writers and agents living in rat-infested cages can be called a “department”) whose responsibility it is to come up with the worst possible combinations of actors and storylines. There is also a security guard named Vinny whose job is to make sure that these mashups never see the light of day.

Unfortunately, Vinny called in sick the day that Stealth was born.

Stealth Poster
So lousy, even the names on the DVD cover DON’T MATCH UP WITH THE FRIGGIN’ PICTURE.

What was the thought process? Perhaps it went something like this:

Writer 1: I know! Let’s make a movie about elite fighter pilots who have to go deep into enemy territory to save the world!

Writer 2: Already been done. It was called Top Gun.

Writer 1: But what if we had real pilot types playing the lead roles? People like…um…Jessica Biel! And Jamie Foxx! And Josh Lucas!

Everyone else in the department: Josh who?

Writer 3: And EDI! Eddie the Plane! Fresh from my latest children’s book!

If this doesn’t make any sense at all, don’t worry…no one else understood it either. The simple fact is, there is no known storyline that can convincingly cast either Biel or Foxx as fighter pilots, and certainly not as wingmen. The best thing that could happen to Foxx did: he was killed in an epic slow motion crash into the side of a mountain. This scene is well worth watching several times. Also, the explosions do not disappoint.

But, seriously…Jessica Biel? Jamie Foxx? And that horrible “Ooh, we’ve set ourselves up to do a sequel! Ooooh!” moment at the end?

Bottom line: Look elsewhere for intelligent entertainment. But if the thoughts of Jessica Biel flying a super fast plane and stuff blowing up piques your interest, Stealth may be for you.

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